In Wake of Scandal, Vatican Launches New "Pontifapants" For Kids, Teens

As the Catholic Church continues to deal with a pedophile scandal that only seems to be gaining more steam, Vatican officials have announced the launch of a new line of bishop-proof pants for children and teens.
The "Pontifipants" will come in several styles and cuts and will be equipped with a special security code that can be set by parents before any church function. Once deployed, the "Pontifapants" can only be removed by entering the 4-8 digit code. Any attempt to lower or remove the pants will set off an alarm.
Cardinal Walter Kaspar, a top Vatican official, says that the initial line of "Pontifapants" will be available in Western Europe on May 1st. Sales won't begin in North America until July 1st, but pre-orders can be made now at www.vatican.va.